Today, I am grateful for my children. I might get frustrated sometimes, and feel lost as a parent, but they still provide me a joy that nothing else even comes close to. They warm my heart and soul, make me laugh, teach me how to enjoy the little things in life, and their sweet spirits are an example to me of how to embrace and experience life. They are my motivation to be a better person, and I am grateful for what they show and teach me every day. I never realized how much I can learn from little ones. I love them so much.
Showing posts with label family. Show all posts
Showing posts with label family. Show all posts
Friday, November 2, 2012
Monday, July 30, 2012
Bean Turns 1!
My lovely little Bean turned one year old on Sunday. On Saturday, we celebrated with a party where family and a few friends attended to show love to my beautiful little girl (and also to my son). It is so hard to believe that it has been a year since she entered our lives. My baby, you are a joy and a light in our lives. I live for your smile and your sweet giggle. I look forward to experiencing the world anew with your inquisitiveness and curiosity every day. We love you more than we can say.
Included are a few pictures from the big day/party, and at the end of this entry, I am sharing the birth story I wrote a couple days after she was born.
----
Forgive me if some details are TMI, but I LOVE labor/delivery stories, and I want to keep mine forever.
I went in at 7:30am to be induced because the baby was measuring large (7 lbs. 11 ounces at 37 weeks). Once I did the paperwork and was admitted, they administered Cytotec (?) by pill because I was still only at a one (after WEEKS of only being at a one) and barely effaced.
Once that happened, suddenly, low and behold, I started having contractions--long ones. Some were three minutes in length. I felt a lot of intensity at this point, and a fair amount of pain, but held out. During the long contractions, the baby's heart rate would decelerate, so they gave me oxygen in the hope that her heart beat would regulate...it did. I was measured at my next check at a 2.
My water was broken soon after. I didn't remember the constant wet gush when they did so with my first labor, but it kept coming and coming, and I was so frustrated with the feeling of it, combined with increasingly dreadful contractions. I had tears in my eyes when my nurse, Karen (who delivered James), came in, and she asked if I wanted my epidural, which I did. I was only at a 3.5, which discouraged me because I wanted to hold out longer, but the pain was INTENSE.
The epidural hurt this time. I don't remember it hurting with James, but I didn't like the anesthesiologist, so I blame that. I progressed pretty fast...they administered some pitocin only when I stalled out a bit. I went from a 3.5 to a seven at the next check. The epidural made my blood pressure drop to the eighties/forties, so I was given ephedrine (?) via IV. I felt pretty miserable when the blood pressure dropped--that feeling scared me a lot. My contractions were VERY painful yet again, epidural and all, so I asked for it to be checked/boosted.
Five minutes after a new anesthesiologist came in, I felt funny--it wasn't a clear need to push, like I felt with James, but it was stronger than the pressure that had been growing and growing for the last while. Lo and behold, it was time to push--I was complete.
Pushing was harder than I remember it being with James. Karen had left, and another nurse had taken her place. I felt like I kept pushing and pushing and making little progress. The baby was moving, but she would still sneak back up a bit after a push was completed. Eventually, I was told they could see the head, and after trying a few different methods of pushing, we were at the finish line--so I thought. Once the head was out, the "burning ring of fire" of crowning did not go away--it intensified beyond anything I have EVER felt in my life. I couldn't figure out what the problem was. I felt a lot of pushing inside of me with the doctor's hands, and pain, and I wanted to keep pushing, but the pushing was UNBEARABLE--yet, I didn't want to stop because I wanted the baby OUT. It turns out her shoulders got stuck in my pelvis (shoulder dystocia), and the doctor had to shift my pelvic area and corkscrew the baby out in order to deliver her vaginally.
9 lbs., 8.2 ounces, and 20 inches long--my lovely was finally here. I think they showed her to me, but I can't remember if they placed her on my chest right away because they had to place her over to the warmer to give her oxygen after the delivery. I think I was still in shock because of the pain and not understanding what had happened. I did not get an episiotomy--I tore, but it wasn't as bad as the episiotomy I had with James, thank goodness. Her delivery, to me, was a miracle because it didn't end in surgery.
I wanted to breastfeed--so badly--because I couldn't with James. I tried to nurse the baby shortly after birth. There were some tugs, but she wasn't latching due to flatness on the part of the mama, so it wasn't a riproaring success. Because she was large, apparently that can lead to a tendency for a baby to have hypoglycemia (low blood sugar), so they supplemented with formula, and when you take a baby who can have a quick meal or barely anything (and hard work at that!) from Mommy, needless to say, she loved her formula. We've changed formula a few times with her due to gassiness and fussiness, but she's going to be a formula baby.
It's hard for me to accept in some ways. I bought all the books, all the products, in order to nurse. I thought I could do both--nurse and supplement, but it makes her unhappy, gassy, and fussy. Most of my experience during those few days was not the most positive, but there were a few feedings where I felt SUCH a connection with my new baby. The first morning with her, she and I sat in my bed while Josh slept, with her gently nursing away, both of us dozing in and out, for three hours. It was sheer and utter bliss. That night, she happened to be able to latch well (not our strong suit), and knowing I could feed and satisfy her, and that she wanted the closeness, was such a boost to my spirits. It hurts to know it's not going to work out to continue--she HAS to have formula, and that is also what she wants, but I will cherish those few moments with her at my breast. My heart ACHES to have those back, but we'll have closeness in other ways.
----
Forgive me if some details are TMI, but I LOVE labor/delivery stories, and I want to keep mine forever.
I went in at 7:30am to be induced because the baby was measuring large (7 lbs. 11 ounces at 37 weeks). Once I did the paperwork and was admitted, they administered Cytotec (?) by pill because I was still only at a one (after WEEKS of only being at a one) and barely effaced.
Once that happened, suddenly, low and behold, I started having contractions--long ones. Some were three minutes in length. I felt a lot of intensity at this point, and a fair amount of pain, but held out. During the long contractions, the baby's heart rate would decelerate, so they gave me oxygen in the hope that her heart beat would regulate...it did. I was measured at my next check at a 2.
My water was broken soon after. I didn't remember the constant wet gush when they did so with my first labor, but it kept coming and coming, and I was so frustrated with the feeling of it, combined with increasingly dreadful contractions. I had tears in my eyes when my nurse, Karen (who delivered James), came in, and she asked if I wanted my epidural, which I did. I was only at a 3.5, which discouraged me because I wanted to hold out longer, but the pain was INTENSE.
The epidural hurt this time. I don't remember it hurting with James, but I didn't like the anesthesiologist, so I blame that. I progressed pretty fast...they administered some pitocin only when I stalled out a bit. I went from a 3.5 to a seven at the next check. The epidural made my blood pressure drop to the eighties/forties, so I was given ephedrine (?) via IV. I felt pretty miserable when the blood pressure dropped--that feeling scared me a lot. My contractions were VERY painful yet again, epidural and all, so I asked for it to be checked/boosted.
Five minutes after a new anesthesiologist came in, I felt funny--it wasn't a clear need to push, like I felt with James, but it was stronger than the pressure that had been growing and growing for the last while. Lo and behold, it was time to push--I was complete.
Pushing was harder than I remember it being with James. Karen had left, and another nurse had taken her place. I felt like I kept pushing and pushing and making little progress. The baby was moving, but she would still sneak back up a bit after a push was completed. Eventually, I was told they could see the head, and after trying a few different methods of pushing, we were at the finish line--so I thought. Once the head was out, the "burning ring of fire" of crowning did not go away--it intensified beyond anything I have EVER felt in my life. I couldn't figure out what the problem was. I felt a lot of pushing inside of me with the doctor's hands, and pain, and I wanted to keep pushing, but the pushing was UNBEARABLE--yet, I didn't want to stop because I wanted the baby OUT. It turns out her shoulders got stuck in my pelvis (shoulder dystocia), and the doctor had to shift my pelvic area and corkscrew the baby out in order to deliver her vaginally.
9 lbs., 8.2 ounces, and 20 inches long--my lovely was finally here. I think they showed her to me, but I can't remember if they placed her on my chest right away because they had to place her over to the warmer to give her oxygen after the delivery. I think I was still in shock because of the pain and not understanding what had happened. I did not get an episiotomy--I tore, but it wasn't as bad as the episiotomy I had with James, thank goodness. Her delivery, to me, was a miracle because it didn't end in surgery.
I wanted to breastfeed--so badly--because I couldn't with James. I tried to nurse the baby shortly after birth. There were some tugs, but she wasn't latching due to flatness on the part of the mama, so it wasn't a riproaring success. Because she was large, apparently that can lead to a tendency for a baby to have hypoglycemia (low blood sugar), so they supplemented with formula, and when you take a baby who can have a quick meal or barely anything (and hard work at that!) from Mommy, needless to say, she loved her formula. We've changed formula a few times with her due to gassiness and fussiness, but she's going to be a formula baby.
It's hard for me to accept in some ways. I bought all the books, all the products, in order to nurse. I thought I could do both--nurse and supplement, but it makes her unhappy, gassy, and fussy. Most of my experience during those few days was not the most positive, but there were a few feedings where I felt SUCH a connection with my new baby. The first morning with her, she and I sat in my bed while Josh slept, with her gently nursing away, both of us dozing in and out, for three hours. It was sheer and utter bliss. That night, she happened to be able to latch well (not our strong suit), and knowing I could feed and satisfy her, and that she wanted the closeness, was such a boost to my spirits. It hurts to know it's not going to work out to continue--she HAS to have formula, and that is also what she wants, but I will cherish those few moments with her at my breast. My heart ACHES to have those back, but we'll have closeness in other ways.
Tuesday, March 20, 2012
Time to Be Random
Random mumblings from my tired brain....
-On Facebook, lately, I have been involved in many conversations that seem to have one common thread: loving those that are different than you, who persecute you, who choose a different lifestyle or religious choice, etc. Basically, loving those who can be difficult. And I kept preaching this concept, but I am currently involved in a situation where I feel as though I am being tested in this area. Someone in our lives, whom we barely even know, has been causing our family some difficulty with false accusations/strange behavior, and it's something that has angered me and stressed me out. But, the overwhelming prompting I am feeling is to still show kindness and civility, even though I am upset that this person was so irrational. I'm hoping I pass this test, because it is not easy, but I know that if I proceed with love in my heart, Heavenly Father will help me through this...oh, I hope so.
-I'm teaching a class tonight at our church on bulk buying (i.e. stocking up on sale items, warehouse clubs, building food storage, etc.). I'm so excited to share something with my church sisters that I feel so passionately about and something in which I have an unwavering testimony. I really feel so strongly that we should store and stockpile items and food that we use on a daily basis because we never know when a personal crisis or financial setback will occur. Keeping a three month stockpile of food (working up to a year's worth) is an investment that will help protect our family when done in conjunction with emergency preparedness goals. A little at a time builds up to something great!
-I've been blessed to be able to reconnect with a family member lately, one that I haven't been close to in years, due to various (stupid) reasons, and I'm so grateful. It's so refreshing to move past petty issues and concerns and get to know someone, and even more wonderful when you discover you have much more in common with them than you ever thought previously. This is so beneficial to me in my life right now.
Otherwise, life has been proceeding as normal, the typical ups and downs that I am sure we all experience at one point or another. Trying to stay strong, working to pursue and accomplish goals, and striving to be a better wife, mother, friend, and person. It has been a struggle lately, for whatever reason, to stay afloat, and I've stumbled when it comes to some of my goals, but I am trying to tread water and make it to my destination. I must remember to take life one day at a time. It's so hard sometimes, though!
-On Facebook, lately, I have been involved in many conversations that seem to have one common thread: loving those that are different than you, who persecute you, who choose a different lifestyle or religious choice, etc. Basically, loving those who can be difficult. And I kept preaching this concept, but I am currently involved in a situation where I feel as though I am being tested in this area. Someone in our lives, whom we barely even know, has been causing our family some difficulty with false accusations/strange behavior, and it's something that has angered me and stressed me out. But, the overwhelming prompting I am feeling is to still show kindness and civility, even though I am upset that this person was so irrational. I'm hoping I pass this test, because it is not easy, but I know that if I proceed with love in my heart, Heavenly Father will help me through this...oh, I hope so.
-I'm teaching a class tonight at our church on bulk buying (i.e. stocking up on sale items, warehouse clubs, building food storage, etc.). I'm so excited to share something with my church sisters that I feel so passionately about and something in which I have an unwavering testimony. I really feel so strongly that we should store and stockpile items and food that we use on a daily basis because we never know when a personal crisis or financial setback will occur. Keeping a three month stockpile of food (working up to a year's worth) is an investment that will help protect our family when done in conjunction with emergency preparedness goals. A little at a time builds up to something great!
-I've been blessed to be able to reconnect with a family member lately, one that I haven't been close to in years, due to various (stupid) reasons, and I'm so grateful. It's so refreshing to move past petty issues and concerns and get to know someone, and even more wonderful when you discover you have much more in common with them than you ever thought previously. This is so beneficial to me in my life right now.
Otherwise, life has been proceeding as normal, the typical ups and downs that I am sure we all experience at one point or another. Trying to stay strong, working to pursue and accomplish goals, and striving to be a better wife, mother, friend, and person. It has been a struggle lately, for whatever reason, to stay afloat, and I've stumbled when it comes to some of my goals, but I am trying to tread water and make it to my destination. I must remember to take life one day at a time. It's so hard sometimes, though!
Tuesday, December 13, 2011
Welcome to the Path Less Traveled
Over the weekend, I found a little sign that stood out to me while shopping at Dillon's Country Treasures. It's a simple, green, rustic looking sign with the phrase, "Welcome to the path less traveled." I put it above my kitchen window, and pondered why it stood out to me so much, beyond the fact that it references a Robert Frost poem, and I am an English literature buff.
I have been struggling a lot lately, wanting desperately to make changes in my life. I want to repair our financial situation and work on whittling down debt. I want to be a more productive and loving wife and mother. I want to become more frugal and really work toward making our family more self-reliant and provident. And when you work toward making those changes, it can be really difficult. I watch friends spending tons of money on their families at Christmas, and I worry about our modest budget and gifts and what others will think of them. When I shop with friends, I think about every purchase as I watch them buy what tickles their fancy. I feel like the only person who struggles with motivation after cleaning up the same messes day after day. I feel like the only parent who loses their patience with their kids so often.
And it can be really difficult sometimes, wanting to be like other people, feeling like the only one who is saying no to stupid little purchases, or who can't do this or that because we're trying to pay down debt. Sometimes, friends do look at you funny when you say you don't want to do this or that, or can't spend the money right now. But, the thing is, beside this sign is another little one that says, "Forever and always, no matter what." I am doing these things for my family. Sure, maybe I can't keep up with my friends when it comes to shopping, and maybe we aren't spending as much as another family is at Christmas, and maybe I am cleaning the same stuff time after time, but I'm doing these things for my family, who is mine forever, and who really matter. Sometimes, keeping up with everyone else is "the path most traveled," but it's going to be "the path less traveled" that will the best for my family and those who are truly important to me. And if they are walking it with me, it's not a bad road to be on.
I have been struggling a lot lately, wanting desperately to make changes in my life. I want to repair our financial situation and work on whittling down debt. I want to be a more productive and loving wife and mother. I want to become more frugal and really work toward making our family more self-reliant and provident. And when you work toward making those changes, it can be really difficult. I watch friends spending tons of money on their families at Christmas, and I worry about our modest budget and gifts and what others will think of them. When I shop with friends, I think about every purchase as I watch them buy what tickles their fancy. I feel like the only person who struggles with motivation after cleaning up the same messes day after day. I feel like the only parent who loses their patience with their kids so often.
And it can be really difficult sometimes, wanting to be like other people, feeling like the only one who is saying no to stupid little purchases, or who can't do this or that because we're trying to pay down debt. Sometimes, friends do look at you funny when you say you don't want to do this or that, or can't spend the money right now. But, the thing is, beside this sign is another little one that says, "Forever and always, no matter what." I am doing these things for my family. Sure, maybe I can't keep up with my friends when it comes to shopping, and maybe we aren't spending as much as another family is at Christmas, and maybe I am cleaning the same stuff time after time, but I'm doing these things for my family, who is mine forever, and who really matter. Sometimes, keeping up with everyone else is "the path most traveled," but it's going to be "the path less traveled" that will the best for my family and those who are truly important to me. And if they are walking it with me, it's not a bad road to be on.
Saturday, November 19, 2011
Why I am Grateful, #18 and #19
Today, I am grateful for two things:
1) That my children have wonderful relationships with their grandparents. They are blessed more than they currently realize, and hopefully, someday, they will see how truly lucky they are.
2) The chances that I get to have down time, alone time, the ability to do things for me once in a while. I spent my afternoon napping, browsing at The Barn (where I picked up a handmade jarred Sugar Cookie candle, two beautiful placemats, and a wooden sign that says, "Give Thanks"), and reorganizing my kitchen in peace. Bliss.
1) That my children have wonderful relationships with their grandparents. They are blessed more than they currently realize, and hopefully, someday, they will see how truly lucky they are.
2) The chances that I get to have down time, alone time, the ability to do things for me once in a while. I spent my afternoon napping, browsing at The Barn (where I picked up a handmade jarred Sugar Cookie candle, two beautiful placemats, and a wooden sign that says, "Give Thanks"), and reorganizing my kitchen in peace. Bliss.
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
Why I am Grateful, #15 and #16
Today I am grateful for two inter-related things:
1) I am grateful for my Kitchen-aid mixer. I grew up using hand mixers. And I think that I single-handedly destroyed dozens of them by overheating when I used them more than three times. But, I didn't know there was anything better, and when I did, I didn't understand the hype. Until my sister-in-law bought me a cobalt blue Kitchen-aid Artisan mixer for our wedding present, and I realized it can mix cookie dough as I WALK AWAY.
I have never looked back.
It has been a workhorse for me for five years, but alas, I have been daydreaming of an upgrade, and at last, I will be upgrading to a mixer with twice the power, and bigger capacity:
All thanks to my sister-in-law (again)...
2) Who happens to be the second thing I am grateful for today. I am grateful for my sisters-in-law. I grew up an only child, so I am grateful to have the experience of siblings who love me and who I can talk to, who love my kiddos and my hubby (their brother). When I married, I not only got a hubby and parents-in-law, but three built in siblings along the way.
1) I am grateful for my Kitchen-aid mixer. I grew up using hand mixers. And I think that I single-handedly destroyed dozens of them by overheating when I used them more than three times. But, I didn't know there was anything better, and when I did, I didn't understand the hype. Until my sister-in-law bought me a cobalt blue Kitchen-aid Artisan mixer for our wedding present, and I realized it can mix cookie dough as I WALK AWAY.
I have never looked back.
It has been a workhorse for me for five years, but alas, I have been daydreaming of an upgrade, and at last, I will be upgrading to a mixer with twice the power, and bigger capacity:
All thanks to my sister-in-law (again)...
2) Who happens to be the second thing I am grateful for today. I am grateful for my sisters-in-law. I grew up an only child, so I am grateful to have the experience of siblings who love me and who I can talk to, who love my kiddos and my hubby (their brother). When I married, I not only got a hubby and parents-in-law, but three built in siblings along the way.
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