Toddler Was Here

A Month of Gratitude #2

Today, I am grateful for my children.  I might get frustrated sometimes, and feel lost as a parent, but they still provide me a joy that nothing else even comes close to.  They warm my heart and soul, make me laugh, teach me how to enjoy the little things in life, and their sweet spirits are an example to me of how to embrace and experience life.  They are my motivation to be a better person, and I am grateful for what they show and teach me every day.  I never realized how much I can learn from little ones.  I love them so much.

My Baby Boy Goes to School

This picture was taken during Goob's first day of pre-K.  Mama is both excited and happy for him, and a bit heartbroken, but at least he loves the new change in his life. 

I Am a Moms Meet Ambassador

If you are interested in discussing parenting topics centered around eco-friendly and natural issues, or are wanting to try samples of eco-, natural, and organic products, I encourage you to find a Moms Meet Group near you.  Moms Meet is sponsored by Kiwi Magazine, and is an organization of mommy groups who meet to discuss ways to change our families and planet for the better.  I am a Mom Ambassador for our area, which means I will be creating and leading a Moms Meet group for our local region.  If you are interested in finding, or starting a group, click the link below:

Bean Turns 1!

My lovely little Bean turned one year old on Sunday.  On Saturday, we celebrated with a party where family and a few friends attended to show love to my beautiful little girl (and also to my son).  It is so hard to believe that it has been a year since she entered our lives.  My baby, you are a joy and a light in our lives.  I live for your smile and your sweet giggle.  I look forward to experiencing the world anew with your inquisitiveness and curiosity every day.  We love you more than we can say.

Included are a few pictures from the big day/party, and at the end of this entry, I am sharing the birth story I wrote a couple days after she was born. 
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Forgive me if some details are TMI, but I LOVE labor/delivery stories, and I want to keep mine forever.
I went in at 7:30am to be induced because the baby was measuring large (7 lbs. 11 ounces at 37 weeks). Once I did the paperwork and was admitted, they administered Cytotec (?) by pill because I was still only at a one (after WEEKS of only being at a one) and barely effaced.
Once that happened, suddenly, low and behold, I started having contractions--long ones. Some were three minutes in length. I felt a lot of intensity at this point, and a fair amount of pain, but held out. During the long contractions, the baby's heart rate would decelerate, so they gave me oxygen in the hope that her heart beat would regulate...it did. I was measured at my next check at a 2.
My water was broken soon after. I didn't remember the constant wet gush when they did so with my first labor, but it kept coming and coming, and I was so frustrated with the feeling of it, combined with increasingly dreadful contractions. I had tears in my eyes when my nurse, Karen (who delivered James), came in, and she asked if I wanted my epidural, which I did. I was only at a 3.5, which discouraged me because I wanted to hold out longer, but the pain was INTENSE.
The epidural hurt this time. I don't remember it hurting with James, but I didn't like the anesthesiologist, so I blame that. I progressed pretty fast...they administered some pitocin only when I stalled out a bit. I went from a 3.5 to a seven at the next check. The epidural made my blood pressure drop to the eighties/forties, so I was given ephedrine (?) via IV. I felt pretty miserable when the blood pressure dropped--that feeling scared me a lot. My contractions were VERY painful yet again, epidural and all, so I asked for it to be checked/boosted.
Five minutes after a new anesthesiologist came in, I felt funny--it wasn't a clear need to push, like I felt with James, but it was stronger than the pressure that had been growing and growing for the last while. Lo and behold, it was time to push--I was complete.
Pushing was harder than I remember it being with James. Karen had left, and another nurse had taken her place. I felt like I kept pushing and pushing and making little progress. The baby was moving, but she would still sneak back up a bit after a push was completed. Eventually, I was told they could see the head, and after trying a few different methods of pushing, we were at the finish line--so I thought. Once the head was out, the "burning ring of fire" of crowning did not go away--it intensified beyond anything I have EVER felt in my life. I couldn't figure out what the problem was. I felt a lot of pushing inside of me with the doctor's hands, and pain, and I wanted to keep pushing, but the pushing was UNBEARABLE--yet, I didn't want to stop because I wanted the baby OUT. It turns out her shoulders got stuck in my pelvis (shoulder dystocia), and the doctor had to shift my pelvic area and corkscrew the baby out in order to deliver her vaginally.
9 lbs., 8.2 ounces, and 20 inches long--my lovely was finally here. I think they showed her to me, but I can't remember if they placed her on my chest right away because they had to place her over to the warmer to give her oxygen after the delivery. I think I was still in shock because of the pain and not understanding what had happened. I did not get an episiotomy--I tore, but it wasn't as bad as the episiotomy I had with James, thank goodness. Her delivery, to me, was a miracle because it didn't end in surgery.
I wanted to breastfeed--so badly--because I couldn't with James. I tried to nurse the baby shortly after birth. There were some tugs, but she wasn't latching due to flatness on the part of the mama, so it wasn't a riproaring success. Because she was large, apparently that can lead to a tendency for a baby to have hypoglycemia (low blood sugar), so they supplemented with formula, and when you take a baby who can have a quick meal or barely anything (and hard work at that!) from Mommy, needless to say, she loved her formula. We've changed formula a few times with her due to gassiness and fussiness, but she's going to be a formula baby.
It's hard for me to accept in some ways. I bought all the books, all the products, in order to nurse. I thought I could do both--nurse and supplement, but it makes her unhappy, gassy, and fussy. Most of my experience during those few days was not the most positive, but there were a few feedings where I felt SUCH a connection with my new baby. The first morning with her, she and I sat in my bed while Josh slept, with her gently nursing away, both of us dozing in and out, for three hours. It was sheer and utter bliss. That night, she happened to be able to latch well (not our strong suit), and knowing I could feed and satisfy her, and that she wanted the closeness, was such a boost to my spirits. It hurts to know it's not going to work out to continue--she HAS to have formula, and that is also what she wants, but I will cherish those few moments with her at my breast. My heart ACHES to have those back, but we'll have closeness in other ways.

Wordless Wednesday

Maybe I'm Not Supermom, But....

I worked the daycare circuit when I was in college.  By the time I was done, after multiple locations, I felt like I had raised half of the preschool age children in my town.  I could change a diaper in about a minute flat, could dress 15 little ones in 15 minutes--I was good.
I thought I was going to be the Best. Mom. Ever.
And then...I had kids.  And then there was colic, acid reflux, sleepless nights, crying fests while in the car, tantrums, sickness, appointments, play dates, teething...all of the usual suspects when it comes to parenting. 
Suddenly, I felt like the wind had been knocked out of my sails.  I couldn't understand what happened, how I lost my child care groove so quickly. 
I sometimes feel like I am so limited by having children, but I have realized that all of these years, through post-partum depression, anxiety, fear, self-consciousness, it hasn't been the kids who have kept me limited.  It has been myself. 
And honestly, I'm tired of it.  I'm tired of worrying so much, of losing my patience, of feeling like I have to be a super mom who has it all together all of the time.  Do you know I never singlehandedly take my children out of town?  Very rarely do I take them to the park.  Taking them to the library on my own terrifies me.  I struggle to clean unless the kids are at my in-laws a mile away.
No more.  I am losing so much time with my children living in fear, self-doubt, and lack of patience.  We are going to go out and have FUN.  I am going to relish being a mother, love my children, and be what I have always wanted to be for my kids as a mother.
Yesterday, while Goob stayed with my parents an hour away, I took Bean out and about--we visited an organic farm about 45 minutes away, snagged organic salad greens and leeks for $7, took some donations to the animal shelter, went grocery shopping, and you know what?  Everything was fine.  Bean woke up for two hours during the night, and while frustrating, we survived.  Today, the kids and I went to a pick-your-own farm and picked 4.5 lbs. of berries for $6.  Sure, the baby was fussy, sure it was hard work, and sure Goob kept picking green berries to spite me when I told him to stay close, but we did it, and we made some memories along the way. 
It's not easy.  I'm very exhausted from a long night and wrangling the kiddos at the farm.  Goob is testing my patience something fierce today, but we make it.  We do the best we can, and we make it day by day. 

Our spoils from the day.

Homemade Rice Cereal for Little Ones

Thanks to the wonder of my little Ninja chopper and my large Ninja Kitchen System, I virtually have no excuse NOT to make homemade baby food, at least some of the time.  I do buy jarred baby food a lot, thanks to a local grocer who sells it at 25 cents a jar, but homemade is still so much healthier for baby.  I had all of these goals with Goob to make his baby food, but simply didn't do it, partially due to laziness, and partially due to the fact that he had a lot of digestive issues which limited what we *could* feed him.
However, Bean loves to eat, and eats well, so I have the opportunity to enjoy feeding her and watching her experience new foods.
Rice cereal is one of those classic baby food staples, and we have many, many boxes of Gerber rice cereal in our food storage.  That being said, we also keep a fair amount of rice in our storage as well, and I'm eager to try the following recipe, which I found in a 1978 edition of Feed Me, I'm Yours, by Vicki Lansky.

Homemade Hot Rice Cereal

Grind several cups of raw brown rice to a fine powder in a blender.  Store in a tightly covered container.
1/2 cup of the rice powder (as made above)
2 cups of milk
dash of salt
In a small saucepan, bring milk and salt just to the boiling point.  Add the rice powder and stir constantly.  Lower heat, cover pan, and simmer for 8-10 minutes.  Serve with additions like fruits and veggies, if you want to.

NOTE: While brown rice is preferable because white rice loses nutritional value during processing, white rice is still usable.  I'd probably just add a fruit or veggie to it to add some nutrients.

Suddenly, I'm No Longer Hungry...

Goob and I were sharing a bowl of Turkey Hill's Salty Caramel ice cream. We were attempting to take turns, but he was more than anxious waiting for his turn to come. As I was getting ready to take a bite, he coughed, and as every little kid does, he didn't cover his mouth, and all the spittle landed into the ice cream. Inevitably, it became his ice cream.
Well played, son.
Well played.

The Sky's Awake

Lately, The Goob has been proclaiming at daybreak, "The sky's awake!"  While spending a night at my parents' house, he told my father that he needed to be awake at 5:30am, and when my dad objected, Goob said, "Doesn't matter.  The sky's awake." 
Although a bit obnoxious at times, I find this sentiment to be extremely sweet, and it has made me ponder my lifestyle.  Due to some minor health issues, and, let's face it, laziness, I am someone who loves sleep: I love sleeping in, sleeping long hours, napping, sleeping in the car, you name it. 
But, when I think of the best examples of self-reliance, provident living, and work ethic, they do seem to have this common thread--they all wake up early.  And, when you think about it, how many times do we say, "Oh, there aren't enough hours in the day?"  I know I say it a lot.  And there's a solution, a way to add a few, quiet, childless hours to my day, with some hard work and sacrifice.  Plus, there is something therapeutic and peaceful about getting up early to enjoy the fresh air of morning, to stand at a warm sink of dishes, in sheer calm. 
So, I can't promise that I will be up with the sun, but I am hoping to be better at utilizing the useful hours in my day, while "the sky's awake."

Getting Back on Track

I feel like my priorities have been out of order lately. I have all of these goals and ambitions, and yet, I've been giving in too much to the need to spend money, or to choose laziness over productivity, or choosing to focus on the negative instead of the positive. I'm also struggling with knowing which priorities to place ahead of others.
This is what I know I need to do:
-I need to show more love, patience, compassion, and affection toward my husband and my children, and strive to spend as much quality time with them as possible.
-I need to work to become more self-reliant, more prepared for emergencies, and more able to serve and protect my family in the event of a crisis--whether it is big or small. I caught a potholder on fire in my oven the other day, and my means of taking "control" of the situation was to yell for my husband, instead of dealing with it on my own. That's not good.
-I need to strive to spend less needless money, to learn to take care of what we have, mend what needs repaired, and focus on making do instead of giving into the urge to accumulate more, more, more. I also need to work harder on putting as much as we can onto debt and into savings.
-We need to take better care of ourselves physically--eat healthier, spend more time exercising, learn to discern what foods are good for our bodies, and what foods aren't (as I type this, my four year old is laying on the floor watching game shows and eating a cup of jelly beans, so this is definitely a work in progress).
-I need to spend more time taking care of our home--cleaning, organizing, getting rid of items we don't need, and so forth. I would like to work toward a more minimalist lifestyle, but that too will take time.
-I need to work harder on staying on top of my work outside of the home. My heart hasn't been into my teaching as much this term, mainly due to illness, and I need to rededicate myself to re-examining my teaching philosophy and giving my curriculum a much needed makeover.
-I need to be more charitable. I am working to spend more time volunteering at the animal shelter, but there is still more that I can do and give. It helps me to count my blessings when I am working to help those in need.
These all are works in progress, and they will all take time and balance. However, I need to refocus my efforts and get back on track in targeting and accomplishing my goals.

But I Want to Do It All!

I've been having a battle with myself for the last few weeks. Here are some excerpts from the arguments:
-I am going to get the house completely clean in the next few weeks! I am motivated to fulfill this goal, and I want to have an organized, clutter-less home that we can have as a sanctuary from the everyday world. But I want a nap! Oh, I so need a nap! I am never, ever going to get this done. There have been nine hampers of laundry sitting in my living room for days on end. Days! Everyone else can manage to keep THEIR houses clean. Why can't I? If I was a better wife and mother, I could do this, but I can't, and I'm not.
-I resolve to be more patient and loving toward my children. I want to spend more quality time with them and be the mother that they deserve. I will not lose my temper, and will keep my frustrations in check. Oh. My. Freaking. Goodness. HOW many more slats can a four year old tear out of my mini-blinds? Whaaaaaaat? ANOTHER one?? WHY does he have to hide things all over my house? If I see another Hot Wheels car or Lego out of place, I will LOSE. MY. MIND. And WHY WON'T THE BABY NAP?? AAAARRRGGGHHH. Look at this mom beside me at Story Time. SHE has it all together. Her kids are so good, and so calm, and she is just great with her children. Why can't I be like THAT?
-I am going to be a Survival Mom. I am going to have my family prepared in the event of an emergency. We will have a food storage, and 72 hours kits. I want to learn to sew, and make my own bread, and grind and mill my own flour. I will feed my family healthier foods, and we will be more environmentally conscious, and I will be productive and tackle every problem that comes our way with grace, confidence, and fortitude. ANNNNNNTS. We have ants. And I pretty much have let the ladybugs take over our home. Consider this the end of the world as I know it. If we had to live off of our food storage longer than a few months, we'd starve. I don't know what to do with all of this wheat. What happens if my kids, like, randomly lose a limb while playing? What would I do then? Do I know first aid? I don't know first aid. That does it. We're going to die. And I'm pretty sure our neighbor is ape-poop crazy after that argument she just started with us for no reason. I'm now creeped out. And WHY DOESN'T MY FOOD STORAGE LOOK LIKE THAT ONE DOES? They have everything. That person is so prepared.
-I will be more self-reliant. I will not spend money frivolously. I will pay my bills on time, catch up the past due ones, and get out of debt. I will not make stupid financial decisions. I will be smart with my money. I will never splurge. We will have a savings on hand in emergencies, and this will happen soon. Will this debt never end? Ohhh, another bill past due. I'm such a failure. Credit score? Ha! Can a score be negative 'cause I'm pretty sure mine is. I'm on a first name basis with bill collectors. Ugh. Another medical bill. I want to eat out. Oh, I just ate out. I'm a financial failure. Why do I spend so much money all the time? Why does it not get better?
-I will be a loving, compassionate wife to my husband. I will be more productive, work to take better care of myself, and become a better lover. I will be on the top of my game at all times, and be happy for him, and not burden him. You want me to do WHAT? I am NOT doing THAT right now, thankyouverymuch. I am too busy. Oh, I have been sick for weeks. I need to sleep so much more these days. I bet he hates me. He probably doesn't believe me. My libido is so low, and I am failing him. I want to be with him, but feel dreadful. What's wrong with me? But, like HECK I am sleeping with him. Puh-lease. I am too, too tired, and I feel like crap. He can do the dishes for me. I just can't do it all.
This is the discussion that runs through my head on a nearly daily basis. I think it does for all of us at some point in our lives or another--the desire to do it all, but the inability to do so because of too many goals, sickness, circumstances beyond our control. It's a balance--learning to improve ourselves while allowing ourselves to be human and make mistakes. I just wish I knew how to strike that balance sometimes. Hopefully, someday, I'll figure it out. Add it to the list, I suppose.

Reinventing Myself

I have this desire to be something better, to make more of myself, my family, my opportunities, our home. It's often overwhelming because this desire is so powerful, so strong, so encompassing, but I also acknowledge to myself that, however worthwhile and good my intentions are, no one can completely change their lives in one day, nor can anyone achieve perfection, no matter how much it is wanted.
I want to be steadfast and more determined in our goals to eliminate consumer debt from our lives, which means a stronger budget, less frivolous spending, and a concrete gameplan in order to do so.
I want to develop a lifestyle of simplicity and self-reliance. I want to waste less, to work on emergency preparedness, to obtain and maintain both a short term and long term food storage, to learn how to can, dehydrate, and preserve fresh foods. I want to learn how to make our possessions last longer, to create more handmade gifts, to minimize clutter and materialism from our lives.
I strive to be a better wife and mother, to be more patient, thoughtful, compassionate. I want to focus on putting their needs before my own. I need to show more affection and love.
I want to be an insightful, caring teacher. I want to be more productive, to place more effort into my lectures and my grading.
I desperately want a cleaner, more organized home. I long for a better cleaning routine, increased productivity.
I want to be in better shape. I want my body to feel better, to be stronger and more fit, and to live a healthier lifestyle.
I feel a need to be more charitable, more giving, more selfless and willing to share my time and resources with those in need.
I'm sure you understand why and how I am feeling overwhelmed. If only I knew how to maintain these goals while not becoming completely burned out and frazzled in the process....

Randomosity

I feel like blogging, but don't really have any cohesive message to share, so I'm just gonna ramble and see where it takes us.
The other day, I was changing seven month old Bean on the bed in her room. She's rolling now, so I placed her perpendicular to the edge of the bed, thinking that, if she rolled, she'd roll down the bed, and not off of the bed. I took my eyes off of her for two seconds as I reached for some baby blue jeans in her dresser not more than a foot behind me, and I heard a sickening THUNK followed by a wail of epic proportions.
My baby gal fell off the bed.
I snatched her up, and once I calmed her down and checked her out, I called the doctor's office, where the nurse assured me Bean would be just fine, and that this happens to every mother. But, I was sobbing. I never thought it would happen to me because I was "smarter" than that. And yet, no matter the preparations, the good intentions, it happened anyway.
Which got me thinking about just life and motherhood and children in general. Life is like that when you're a parent. You can prepare kids, you can nurture them, you can have the best of intentions, and think you know it all. But, we don't. Parents goof up. Children go off the beaten path. They screw up, too. I think it's just the nature of parenting and growing up. As long as we do our best, and try to make it through slip ups, it'll work out somehow. Kids fall off the bed. Sometimes, stuff happens, and it's what you make of it.
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We registered the Goob for pre-K today. We tried to prepare him by telling him he was going to take a look at his new school this morning. When we got out of the car, he happily proclaimed that he wanted to hear a school bell, and his excitement made me both happy for him, and a bit misty eyed at the same time. When did he grow up? When did he stop being my little baby? I watched him as he looked around at all of the children, the gymnasium, the playground, and he was enthralled. I sat back as he played with other little kids waiting as their parents signed paperwork, and I knew that I was making the right choice for him and for what he needs at this point in his life, even if it does make me a bit teary-eyed and slightly sad inside. It will be a transition for both of us.
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In other less emotional news, I snagged some more freebies this week. Some of the haul includes more digital magazine subscriptions (stuff like Kiwi and Harper's Bazaar), three six-ounce tubes of Jason all-natural whitening toothpaste, which retails for just under seven bucks a tube, and I got three for free plus free shipping, a personalized travel mug, a photo calendar for my desk at work with pictures of the children, two more personalized humorous birthday cards, and I sent away for a free sample of body lotion from the Burt's Bees company. One of the lessons I have learned in scoring free stuff is that I don't need everything just because it says it is free, and also, if you want to get free stuff, but have to pay for shipping, it can start adding up fast, and before you know it, it isn't worth it anymore. So, like everything, it's a balance.
Cheers!

How My New Year's Resolutions Are Going....

I figured I would take some time and assess how my resolutions are going, resolution by resolution:
1. Spend less money on things that can be avoided. This means eating out less (and cooking in more), looking for gently used clothing or items when I can, working my food storage to my advantage/buying in bulk, avoiding buying "stuff" on credit cards, and focusing less on "wants" and more on "needs." I don't have to buy things to make me happy. I'm doing "better" in this category. I would not, however, say I am doing perfectly. I can't quite squelch all of my impulses just yet, but I've turned down opportunities to shop or spend excess money at times, though I admit I have spent money on some fun things. I tend to find myself saying, "OK, money is tight, so I won't spend anything," and I don't think that is practical. I need to find a balance. But do I honestly feel like some of my attitudes are staring to change? Yes. I hope I can keep it up. We are also doing a great job at buying food in bulk and snagging great deals on needed items like clothing and shoes. We have been trying to focus more on what we need as opposed to what we want.
2. Get out of credit card debt as much as we can. Use as much of MY income as we can to do so. Pay even a few dollars more than the minimum payment every month. This is going to be a long road. We will struggle making more than the minimum payments while we are behind on some of our bills. I also have not started back to work yet. So, another work in progress.
3. Work harder to get bills out on time. I am a lazy and ineffective bill payer, and sometimes juggle bills around intentionally. Another item that will take time. The hubby and I are working on trying to communicate better and come up with game plans, though, and for us, communicating is a big key to this. So, we're trying.
4. Be a more loving and compassionate wife to my husband. I can be a contrary butt sometimes. Trying. I will be brutally honest and admit that my hormones have affected my libido levels, as did depression. But, I think we are rediscovering each other as husband and wife, and not just pals, and it's been good for us. I think the hubby agrees. I'm just not an affectionate soul physically, so this is really hard for me, but I'm also enjoying it.
5. Be more patient and loving toward my children. Appreciate them more. React with love more than anger when I am frustrated. This is hard sometimes. I have a four year old who isn't pottytrained yet. And I have a new baby. But, I'm trying to learn to pick my battles, and appreciate them for who they are, and learn to focus on their needs instead of my wants.
6. Work harder to get my grading done on time and my classes more organized this year. I'm always grading papers at the very last minute. Same thing with grade calculations. Not anymore. My syllabus is due to my boss in five days. I haven't started it yet. I fail at this one.
7. Buy more locally grown and produced foods. I love fresh produce and homegrown yummies. And I'm lucky to live somewhere where they are accessible to me and within our budget. I'm going good here! Over the weekend, we went to a bulk foods grocer in our region, a new place to check out, and I was able to buy local bulk foods, produce, baked goods, meats, and cheeses. I even used this store to snag some of the supplies for The Goob's birthday party.
8. Take an active interest in cooking meals for my family and enjoy it even more. Working on this. Gathering recipes, planning fun desserts for our family this week...it's been fun.
9. Exercise for a half an hour at least three times a week. Today was the first day I even attempted exercise. I exercised for ten minutes and thought I was going to die. I suck at this. I'm pitiful.
10. Work to keep a cleaner, more organized home. Between getting new things for the holidays/birthdays, mess from said celebrations, etc., my house is a disaster. I plan on fixing that, ASAP. I'm using Pinterest for organizational inspiration. And I have been purging out old stuff, and I got The Goob's closet cleaned out, for the most part, and purged a ton of The Bean's clothing.
11. I will make/do a project at least once a month. Use Pinterest for inspiration. I totally have rocked at this resolution. Yay for me! The blog is proof!!
12. Be more charitable. We have been donating to our local animal shelter every pay check. I'll be taking bags of stuff to Goodwill soon. I've been trying to give things we don't want anymore to some people in need. I have done a few charitable projects at church. But, I could do better. I don't always take advantage of opportunities.
13. Give more homemade gifts this year. I bought the supplies to make homemade gifts for my mother's birthday, AND I have plans for Valentine's gifts this year that are handmade! I'm so proud of myself in this department, because it is SOOO not my forte.
14. Work harder to celebrate holidays and enjoy them more than I usually do. I'm doing this! I enjoy holidays, but find myself becoming depressed because holidays have so many requirements, so much stress, and I haven't had the best of experiences with them over the years. But, I am working to change this. We had a great celebration for The Goob's 4th birthday, and The Engineer and I had a great date night at home on New Year's Eve. I also have plans for Valentine's Day, St. Patrick's Day, and Easter. This is another area where I am proud of myself.
I encourage you, if you have made resolutions, to assess them every now and again, and see how you are doing. Obviously, some of mine are broken already, but I'm trying to dust myself off and start again. Each new day is a brand new start!!

My First Attempt at a Real Birthday Party...As Opposed to a Fake One?

OK, I am NOT crafty or artistically inclined.
You hear people say that all the time, but let me illustrate:
Once, while threading a needle, I stabbed myself in the chin.
I have both stapled my finger and glued my fingers together.
While drawing a picture for some little kids at an after-school program several years ago, Yasmin, age 6, raised her hand and asked if I was OK. She was really concerned. I asked her why, and she informed me, "You draw like a crazy person."
Need I say more?
But, I have been bitten by the Pinterest bug, so armed with that and a love for my kids, I decided to throw my first "real" birthday party for my son's fourth birthday.
I made a rainbow candy tray (not pictured) by layering various candies of each color of the rainbow, thanks to Pinterest inspiration. That was easy peasy.
I attempted to make a caterpillar cake with cupcakes. I got the inspiration from Pinterest, but the craziness is all me. My sister in law thought it was an alien. So, I suck at cake decorating, but the kid loved his cupcakes, so that is all that matters.
I made a fruit tray to look like a rainbow, complete with clouds of marshmallows, and a pot of "gold" (bananas.)
I made marshmallow pops from, you guessed it, Pinterest. Place a marshmallow onto a toothpick, dip in melted dipping chocolate, coat with sprinkles, and place on wax paper in the fridge for 10 min. to harden the chocolate.
I'm not blogging this to brag because, quite honestly, my final results were very, very, VERY novice, at best. But, I am PROUD of myself. This is completely out of my comfort zone. Seriously. And when my little guy said, with the sweetest voice, "I LOVE this," as he looked at his adoring family and all that was waiting for him...well, I wanted to melt into a Mommy puddle.
So, it was a very (odd-looking) success. I might post more pics at another date. We shall see. That is, if I don't end up committed after someone looks at my end results. ;)

When You Gotta Go.......

Goob admitted to me that he peed in the air conditioning vent in our floor. Actually, switch out the word "admitted" and change it to "bragged." #pottytrainingrocks

Toothless Grins and Affirmations

I have been struggling some with the fact that breastfeeding just simply did not work out for The Bean and me. I didn't get the chance to nurse The Goob due to medication, and I was so anxious to nurse The Bean. I bought books, supplies, pads, bras, a Boppy, covers...you name it. I researched, I daydreamed...I was so excited.
But, thanks to latch issues and the fact that my little girl thrived on soy formula, and not my breast milk or milk-based formula, we were bottle feeding exclusively after only a couple of weeks. And I was so heartbroken. You hear all the time that "breast is best," and bottle-feeding moms are constantly condemned/criticized, and not to mention, those few successful nursing moments were OH SO WONDERFUL, and yeah, I was bummed. Not to mention, a pal had her baby close to mine and was struggling with similar issues, and it ended up working out for them, and I endured her endless nursing updates on Facebook every two seconds, so my news feed was glutted with all of these success stories, and I felt like SUCH a failure.
I have been doing better, but have had my moments, and today, while giving my Bean a bottle, I looked down at her reflux-y self, and she slurped a few, looked at me, and just grinned--so unbelievably happy and content, and you know what? I knew in my heart I did what was best for my little girl, even if it wasn't what I wanted, or what others thought was best. It was a precious moment, and I cherish that smile today. Sometimes, even when they can't speak, little ones can say so much.

Why I am Grateful, #1: My Children

So, here comes the cheese...since it is November 1st, it's time to start all of the obligatory "Why I Am Grateful" entries until Thanksgiving. And truth be told, I need the reminders and the time to reflect, so let's get started, shall we?
So, what am I grateful for so early in the morning on November 1st? Today, I have to say I am feeling grateful for my children. I truly need to appreciate them more than I do sometimes. Sometimes, I get so frazzled by potty-training, bottles, cleaning up after them, dressing them, bathing them, feeding them, that I focus more on the routine, rather than my children as individuals? Does that make sense? I care for the chores, and lose focus on getting to know them as individuals. Love doesn't always have to be simply taking care of them and cleaning their mess, but taking time to slow down the day a bit and learn to appreciate what they do and who they are. I grew up as an only child and saw the pain it caused my parents to not be able to have as many children as they wanted. I have friends who deal with infertility, miscarriages, the deaths of their kids...and here I am with two wonderful little ones.
I'm not saying that it is bad to get frustrated or to feel overwhelmed--heaven knows I feel this...oh, every day...but sometimes, it's nice to stop and forget about the dishes and the laundry once in a while and simply take the time to spend with them.
So, this morning, I'm grateful for little red dinosaur costumes, countless Binkies laying around my house, tutus, pettiskirts, headbands, that indescribable way that babies can sometimes smell that is so nice, the crazy things that come out of The Goob's mouth, toothless grins, coos and squeals of delight, toys everywhere, Hot Wheels cars under every nook and cranny, bedtime routines, Elmo, and everything else that reminds me that I am a mother and that my little ones are mine. I love them more than I can ever express.

Trendy Babies and Broke Mamas

Some friends of mine (who also have baby girls) have recently become enamored with the pettiskirt/tutu/headband trend, and are snatching up these items right and left on places like Etsy and boutiques that women run from Facebook pages. The pieces can often cost a pretty penny, and I found myself wistfully looking at these multicolored, posh accessories for babies and wishing that I could buy them endlessly for my little one. The items look like creations perfect for a princess, and I was positively drooling over them.
Thanks to more thrifty pals, I discovered wholesale websites like Halo Heaven (mentioned in a previous entry) that sell pre-made pettiskirts, tutus, headbands, barrettes, bows, etc. for practically pennies, and I have been in, well, Halo Heaven. The other day, I bought The Bean nine pairs of crib shoes...NINE...for $18.00 total. Designer headbands for $1.50 a piece.
I have been reveling a little bit in my purchases. Hey, what mom wouldn't? I think most moms with little gals love dressing them up in fab stuff, and if you're anything like me, I like saving serious $$$ while I'm at it.
However, I noticed today that the same shoes I purchased for my baby for $2.00 a pair wholesale are being sold by these "online boutiques" out of crafty moms' houses for $10 to $15 a PAIR, unaltered, not enhanced, nothing. I wasn't overly surprised because I saw the same exact pettiskirts and tutus that I purchased for $2.00 to $4.50 a piece going for up to $35.00 unaltered at these same sites. And in some ways, I'm envious. I wish I had the business sense to buy up loads of items wholesale and to market and sell them for hefty profits. I mean, think how fun it would be to buy and sell cute little girls' accessories for a living? (I'd probably lose some profit keeping things for ourselves.)
However, part of me has been really saddened in thinking about this. I have friends that I shared this with--some were as excited as I was, and some (who won't read this blog...more acquaintances than anything) were actually very defensive and answered it by ordering more from these "specialty shops" rather than considering the possibility that they could get a better deal elsewhere. While the idea of playing with flowers and bows as a business sounds like so much fun, I feel like loving moms are being taken advantage of, or essentially, that they are allowing themselves to be taken advantage of when they are presented with another option and refuse to see it. People are making a killing off of moms who will stop at nothing to make sure their kids are dressed to the nines. Moms who want to say they "custom ordered" something that could have cost $3.00 off of a non-swanky wholesale website.
The profit margin here is insane. And I'm torn between wanting to have fun and sell these items, too, so I can totally stay at home with my kiddos, and wondering sometimes how much I too overpay or the lengths I am willing to go sometimes to make sure my family "fits in." How often do I crush my family's progress, say, to add another debt to a credit card in order to "have something special?" There are people out there eager and willing to take advantage of us when we are desperate to fit in, to look perfect, to have "nice things," and how often do we overspend and give what we don't have in order to keep up with the Joneses? How much do we pay, both literally and figuratively, for things that don't matter or happiness that we can find elsewhere? On one hand, I have to admit, there's a drooling part of me that thinks it would be fabulously fun to buy tutus, headbands, and pettiskirts, accent them with cute things, and resell them for profit. But, a part of me wonders if I would be contributing to something that, in the end, isn't good for anyone. Would I be contributing to something that has often caused my family pain, i.e. when I have focused more on what I want rather than what is best for my family, or overspent in order to focus on material things, rather than what is good for us in the long run? We, as mothers, need to refocus on what is truly important for our families, our spouses, our children, instead of constantly focusing on our wants and our desires. I include myself in this. If we let it, the world will take advantage of our envy, our wallets, our wants, our petty desires, our weaknesses, and our doubts, just like these "crafters" take advantage of Mommies who don't understand how much they are overspending on an item. It's more important to have a happy baby with a grounded, focused mother than a trendy tot with a debt-laden, unhappy, self-conscious mama who is never happy and always wanting more.