Lindy Hop

As I have mentioned before, I volunteer at the local animal shelter.  While there, I meet many wonderful animals with very distinct personalities. 
Recently, I had the privilege to meet Lindy, a spaniel mix. As I went to walk her, I noticed that her hind legs didn't work very well, and would collapse under her frequently.  Yet, until I had her on the lead, I would never have known.  Up until then, all I saw was a wonderfully happy, bright dog, that just oozed gratitude for being alive.  Even when she struggled to walk, or when she messed herself, she was vibrant, trembling with excitement and sheer joy, and her eyes just twinkled.  This was a dog that was so happy to be on this earth, spinal injuries and kidney troubles and all.
She found a wonderful foster mother to take her home, but sadly, it turns out that Lindy's happiness was an amazing, yet heartbreaking, front of fortitude and strength.  Her troubles were worse than we all realized, and she died in her foster family's loving arms this afternoon.
Although I only knew her for a short time, her life was a testament to me that we must be grateful for the time we have on this planet, that happiness and strength can be found, even in seemingly insurmountable circumstances.  It makes you think--if she can do it, so can I.  The lessons we can learn from the animals and creatures in our lives, no matter how meek or small.
Rest in peace, my Lindy Hop, and I thank God for the foster who provided you such a loving home in your last days. 

On Minimalism

Lately, I have been reading a lot of blogs and essays concerning the subject of minimalism.  I'm not talking about the literary or artistic movements, nor am I talking about the home decor trend of everything stark black and white and barely there.  I'm talking about living a minimalistic lifestyle--rejecting, even rebelling against, consumerism, getting rid of unwanted and unused items, getting out of debt, pursuing passions and life goals over material goods, etc.
This lifestyle appeals to me, even though it is the complete antithesis of my life a few years ago.  I think it attracts me because it *is* the polar opposite of my former dreams and goals, and those goals, the need to possess lots of (and the best) stuff have wreaked havoc on my life, my health, and my sanity.  Being able to focus more on living a self-reliant lifestyle, having less "things" to worry about, being able to say "NO!" loudly and firmly to the trappings of consumerism, will all lead to my ability to pursue my dreams and my passions that truly matter--and what a more fulfilled life that will be, not only for me, but for my family as well. 
I want to be able to have a firmer resolve, to spend less, to give more, to share my time and abilities with others, to reject jealousy, to conquer my goals and chase after my heart's truest desires.  I want to choose to tromp around outside in this big, wide world when I need comfort, instead of going up to the mall to snag some little thing that provides me temporary happiness--only until I get it home.  Can you imagine being able to live a life where you mainly rely on yourself and your family, instead of what society or friends tell you is important?  Can you imagine being able to live without a mall or Walmart?  Can you envision being able to grow your own food, or make your own, most of the time, or to find outlets for the freshest food you can, instead of relying on processed convenience foods?  That makes my body happy just thinking about it.
This kind of life is possible, with a true desire and conversion to a philosophy of minimalism and self-reliance.  It's better for your family, the environment, and for you.  And I want to examine it more closely and pursue the changes necessary to obtain it. 

Backyard Chickens

So...I kinda want to have a garden, and I also think I want chickens next Spring.  Very lofty goals for someone who can't keep a plant alive (I had a houseplant that I named Seymour, who thrived until I forgot to water him for weeks on end), and whose pets own her, and not the other way around.
However, the idea of growing my own fruits and veggies, and having my own eggs, sounds so divine.  I'd have lots and lots of help with gardening and growing my own produce, so I feel okay there, if nervous.  In the meantime, I share this with you, per friends' recommendations, if any of you have the same crazy chicken fever as I do:
Backyard Chickens

I'm SO There....

If you live in the Mid-Atlantic states, you should consider going to the Mother Earth News Fair in Seven Springs, Pa.  It is a HUGE event chock-full of vendors and exhibits encouraging self-reliance, a DIY attitude, organic and natural living, emergency preparedness, and so forth.  Plus, they will have amazing speakers, like Joel Salatin and the beyond inspiring Temple Grandin, animal rights activist and spokesperson for autism awareness (she is autistic herself).  (I linked the miniseries based on her life.)  I'm not able to make the fair on the day she is speaking, but if I did, I'm pretty sure I'd pass out at her feet from the exposure to sheer awesomeness and inspiration.  :)  There will be kids' activities, too, and loads of yummy, healthy food vendors and products for sale.
The fair page can be found here. 

Lean, Mean, Green Machine

Lately, I've been interested in becoming more "green." The notion of living a more sustainable lifestyle, reducing/reusing/recycling, and cherishing today's resources to ensure they will be there tomorrow, well, all of those goals are really conducive with my desire to have a simpler, less materialistic, more grounded lifestyle. However, like the famed philosopher Kermit the Frog once said, "It's not easy being green." For starters, recycling...sure, in theory it seems easy, but there's sorting all of the trash, figuring out what can be taken to the local recycling center, which only takes certain items/plastics and not others. Then, there's keeping my kids out of the bins. See, my kids view the recycling bins like they would ball pits at Chuck E. Cheese--which means I sort out the items again and again. After that, it's getting the recyclables to the center, which is a 30 minute drive, one way, from our house, with children in tow. So, needless to say, our recycling endeavors have hit a roadblock.

Then, there's the desire to buy humanely produced, organic, local foods...the hope to fulfill as many of those labels as I can when I purchase an item at the grocery store. But, there's a lot involved. Sometimes, we as consumers have no idea whether or not an animal has been humanely treated in order to give us our eggs or our milk. How do we know if a worker has adequate working/safety conditions producing our crops/coffee/what have you? A lot of organic foods cost more--a lot more. Some people don't have access to inexpensive, locally produced meats and produce. Making informed food choices is not so easy, either.
 There's SO MUCH that can be done--using less water/electricity, buying used items whenever possible, cloth diapering instead of using disposables, growing your own food, writing to congressional representatives over pertinent environmental issues close to our hearts, riding bikes or driving fuel efficient cars instead of taking big SUVs everywhere, buying fair trade coffee and chocolates and produce...as mere individuals/families, it is SO easy to get bogged down with feeling like we need to do it all. I applied to become a Mom Ambassador for Moms Meet, a group of several hundred thousand moms who meet in small, local groups to discuss eco-aspects of parenting, families, pet-raising, and the like. I so desperately want to be more "green," but I think to myself, "Ugh, I'm such a fraud. We aren't even recycling, for God's sake. I'm not green at ALL."
But, the thing is--it's not about doing it all. It's about doing the little things. Little changes add up to something majorly big. I try to buy more used items, or to donate and give away what we don't want/use anymore to compensate for the new things we buy. We are trying to make more informed choices regarding what we eat. We buy more organic foods, we're eating less dairy, I have vowed to either buy locally raised farm eggs or cage-free organic eggs from the store from now on. We make more of an effort to become more involved in our community, to appreciate the outdoors more. Doing the little things is better than nothing at all. One little thing leads to another, which leads to another, and maybe it inspires someone to make a change in their own life, which leads to MORE changes, and suddenly, one little thing turns into something BIG. Little things can change the world. Even if we're not recycling.

I Am a Moms Meet Ambassador

If you are interested in discussing parenting topics centered around eco-friendly and natural issues, or are wanting to try samples of eco-, natural, and organic products, I encourage you to find a Moms Meet Group near you.  Moms Meet is sponsored by Kiwi Magazine, and is an organization of mommy groups who meet to discuss ways to change our families and planet for the better.  I am a Mom Ambassador for our area, which means I will be creating and leading a Moms Meet group for our local region.  If you are interested in finding, or starting a group, click the link below:

Bean Turns 1!

My lovely little Bean turned one year old on Sunday.  On Saturday, we celebrated with a party where family and a few friends attended to show love to my beautiful little girl (and also to my son).  It is so hard to believe that it has been a year since she entered our lives.  My baby, you are a joy and a light in our lives.  I live for your smile and your sweet giggle.  I look forward to experiencing the world anew with your inquisitiveness and curiosity every day.  We love you more than we can say.

Included are a few pictures from the big day/party, and at the end of this entry, I am sharing the birth story I wrote a couple days after she was born. 
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Forgive me if some details are TMI, but I LOVE labor/delivery stories, and I want to keep mine forever.
I went in at 7:30am to be induced because the baby was measuring large (7 lbs. 11 ounces at 37 weeks). Once I did the paperwork and was admitted, they administered Cytotec (?) by pill because I was still only at a one (after WEEKS of only being at a one) and barely effaced.
Once that happened, suddenly, low and behold, I started having contractions--long ones. Some were three minutes in length. I felt a lot of intensity at this point, and a fair amount of pain, but held out. During the long contractions, the baby's heart rate would decelerate, so they gave me oxygen in the hope that her heart beat would regulate...it did. I was measured at my next check at a 2.
My water was broken soon after. I didn't remember the constant wet gush when they did so with my first labor, but it kept coming and coming, and I was so frustrated with the feeling of it, combined with increasingly dreadful contractions. I had tears in my eyes when my nurse, Karen (who delivered James), came in, and she asked if I wanted my epidural, which I did. I was only at a 3.5, which discouraged me because I wanted to hold out longer, but the pain was INTENSE.
The epidural hurt this time. I don't remember it hurting with James, but I didn't like the anesthesiologist, so I blame that. I progressed pretty fast...they administered some pitocin only when I stalled out a bit. I went from a 3.5 to a seven at the next check. The epidural made my blood pressure drop to the eighties/forties, so I was given ephedrine (?) via IV. I felt pretty miserable when the blood pressure dropped--that feeling scared me a lot. My contractions were VERY painful yet again, epidural and all, so I asked for it to be checked/boosted.
Five minutes after a new anesthesiologist came in, I felt funny--it wasn't a clear need to push, like I felt with James, but it was stronger than the pressure that had been growing and growing for the last while. Lo and behold, it was time to push--I was complete.
Pushing was harder than I remember it being with James. Karen had left, and another nurse had taken her place. I felt like I kept pushing and pushing and making little progress. The baby was moving, but she would still sneak back up a bit after a push was completed. Eventually, I was told they could see the head, and after trying a few different methods of pushing, we were at the finish line--so I thought. Once the head was out, the "burning ring of fire" of crowning did not go away--it intensified beyond anything I have EVER felt in my life. I couldn't figure out what the problem was. I felt a lot of pushing inside of me with the doctor's hands, and pain, and I wanted to keep pushing, but the pushing was UNBEARABLE--yet, I didn't want to stop because I wanted the baby OUT. It turns out her shoulders got stuck in my pelvis (shoulder dystocia), and the doctor had to shift my pelvic area and corkscrew the baby out in order to deliver her vaginally.
9 lbs., 8.2 ounces, and 20 inches long--my lovely was finally here. I think they showed her to me, but I can't remember if they placed her on my chest right away because they had to place her over to the warmer to give her oxygen after the delivery. I think I was still in shock because of the pain and not understanding what had happened. I did not get an episiotomy--I tore, but it wasn't as bad as the episiotomy I had with James, thank goodness. Her delivery, to me, was a miracle because it didn't end in surgery.
I wanted to breastfeed--so badly--because I couldn't with James. I tried to nurse the baby shortly after birth. There were some tugs, but she wasn't latching due to flatness on the part of the mama, so it wasn't a riproaring success. Because she was large, apparently that can lead to a tendency for a baby to have hypoglycemia (low blood sugar), so they supplemented with formula, and when you take a baby who can have a quick meal or barely anything (and hard work at that!) from Mommy, needless to say, she loved her formula. We've changed formula a few times with her due to gassiness and fussiness, but she's going to be a formula baby.
It's hard for me to accept in some ways. I bought all the books, all the products, in order to nurse. I thought I could do both--nurse and supplement, but it makes her unhappy, gassy, and fussy. Most of my experience during those few days was not the most positive, but there were a few feedings where I felt SUCH a connection with my new baby. The first morning with her, she and I sat in my bed while Josh slept, with her gently nursing away, both of us dozing in and out, for three hours. It was sheer and utter bliss. That night, she happened to be able to latch well (not our strong suit), and knowing I could feed and satisfy her, and that she wanted the closeness, was such a boost to my spirits. It hurts to know it's not going to work out to continue--she HAS to have formula, and that is also what she wants, but I will cherish those few moments with her at my breast. My heart ACHES to have those back, but we'll have closeness in other ways.