But I Want to Do It All!

I've been having a battle with myself for the last few weeks. Here are some excerpts from the arguments:
-I am going to get the house completely clean in the next few weeks! I am motivated to fulfill this goal, and I want to have an organized, clutter-less home that we can have as a sanctuary from the everyday world. But I want a nap! Oh, I so need a nap! I am never, ever going to get this done. There have been nine hampers of laundry sitting in my living room for days on end. Days! Everyone else can manage to keep THEIR houses clean. Why can't I? If I was a better wife and mother, I could do this, but I can't, and I'm not.
-I resolve to be more patient and loving toward my children. I want to spend more quality time with them and be the mother that they deserve. I will not lose my temper, and will keep my frustrations in check. Oh. My. Freaking. Goodness. HOW many more slats can a four year old tear out of my mini-blinds? Whaaaaaaat? ANOTHER one?? WHY does he have to hide things all over my house? If I see another Hot Wheels car or Lego out of place, I will LOSE. MY. MIND. And WHY WON'T THE BABY NAP?? AAAARRRGGGHHH. Look at this mom beside me at Story Time. SHE has it all together. Her kids are so good, and so calm, and she is just great with her children. Why can't I be like THAT?
-I am going to be a Survival Mom. I am going to have my family prepared in the event of an emergency. We will have a food storage, and 72 hours kits. I want to learn to sew, and make my own bread, and grind and mill my own flour. I will feed my family healthier foods, and we will be more environmentally conscious, and I will be productive and tackle every problem that comes our way with grace, confidence, and fortitude. ANNNNNNTS. We have ants. And I pretty much have let the ladybugs take over our home. Consider this the end of the world as I know it. If we had to live off of our food storage longer than a few months, we'd starve. I don't know what to do with all of this wheat. What happens if my kids, like, randomly lose a limb while playing? What would I do then? Do I know first aid? I don't know first aid. That does it. We're going to die. And I'm pretty sure our neighbor is ape-poop crazy after that argument she just started with us for no reason. I'm now creeped out. And WHY DOESN'T MY FOOD STORAGE LOOK LIKE THAT ONE DOES? They have everything. That person is so prepared.
-I will be more self-reliant. I will not spend money frivolously. I will pay my bills on time, catch up the past due ones, and get out of debt. I will not make stupid financial decisions. I will be smart with my money. I will never splurge. We will have a savings on hand in emergencies, and this will happen soon. Will this debt never end? Ohhh, another bill past due. I'm such a failure. Credit score? Ha! Can a score be negative 'cause I'm pretty sure mine is. I'm on a first name basis with bill collectors. Ugh. Another medical bill. I want to eat out. Oh, I just ate out. I'm a financial failure. Why do I spend so much money all the time? Why does it not get better?
-I will be a loving, compassionate wife to my husband. I will be more productive, work to take better care of myself, and become a better lover. I will be on the top of my game at all times, and be happy for him, and not burden him. You want me to do WHAT? I am NOT doing THAT right now, thankyouverymuch. I am too busy. Oh, I have been sick for weeks. I need to sleep so much more these days. I bet he hates me. He probably doesn't believe me. My libido is so low, and I am failing him. I want to be with him, but feel dreadful. What's wrong with me? But, like HECK I am sleeping with him. Puh-lease. I am too, too tired, and I feel like crap. He can do the dishes for me. I just can't do it all.
This is the discussion that runs through my head on a nearly daily basis. I think it does for all of us at some point in our lives or another--the desire to do it all, but the inability to do so because of too many goals, sickness, circumstances beyond our control. It's a balance--learning to improve ourselves while allowing ourselves to be human and make mistakes. I just wish I knew how to strike that balance sometimes. Hopefully, someday, I'll figure it out. Add it to the list, I suppose.